In a revolutionary announcement for women’s rights last Tuesday, The Frank Dining Hall director declared that Frank would soon be instituting “Lady Friendly Taco Tuesdays”.
“After a year of women’s marches and the #metoo movement, we were truly inspired by the sheer force of women coming together from all over the world to fight for their rights. We decided that we have to do something big to show women that we care about them and this struggle,” the director said, standing at a podium near the entrance of Frank. “So we thought, what is something that women really need right now? And bam, it hit us: lady tacos.”
At this moment, the director paused for dramatic emphasis and to revel in applause that exploded from the doting crowd of college students that had gathered to watch the announcement.
“You know how it goes, with women. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public, which is definitely an issue with tacos. So we’ve developed these softer shells that don’t make those loud noises, which as we know tend to startle women with their gentle sensibilities. They’re also much better for women’s soft mouths, which aren’t really built to handle those standard, harder shells.”
“And women don’t like to lick their fingers generously, or like, pour the little broken pieces and the flavor and all that stuff falling out of the taco into their mouths,” the director added, “so for the lady tacos we’ve basically removed all the juice and condiments and just replaced it with dry meat and some chopped up lettuce.”
At that moment, the director was asked by a member of the TSL whether Frank dining was planning to have a male and female version of dining hall foods in general.
“Well, it’s not male and female as much as, ‘Are there dining hall foods for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon. For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry tacos in their purse.”
At press time, the director was overheard brainstorming the possibility of lady utensils, which would have a soft, pink cushioning and be smaller than regular utensils so that they might fit comfortably into women’s sensitive, dainty hands.