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Fyre Festival Founder Hired To Set Up Pirate Party 2019

 

Claremont, CA

On February 3rd, it was announced that renowned entrepreneur, Billy McFarland, the founder of and CEO of Fyre Media, was hired by Claremont McKenna College and ASCMC to organize the biggest party of the semester. McFarland, the random Nigerian Prince emailing you and asking for money equivalent of entrepreneurs, is the brains behind both the infamous 2017 Fyre Festival and Magnises (a black credit card whose target demographic is the student investment fund).

In late January, it was rumored that men in Claremont McKenna College apparel were seen carrying large bags, possibly filled with money, into the federal prison where McFarland has been incarcerated for wire fraud. On January 31st, campus security reported that a young Caucasian man with brown hair had been seen paying money to various women across the colleges to post bathing suit photos with the hashtag #PYRATEPARTY2019 on Instagram. The man was then spotted trying to sell Girl Scouts tickets to Beyoncé. 

Wednesday morning at 8:47am, both students and alumni of the Claremont Colleges were sent the following to their emails:
___________________________________________________________________

PYRATE PARTY 2019

Claremont McKenna College and ASCMC are pleased to announce that Billy McFarland has been hired to organize Pirate Party this semester. The event will now be known as Pyrate Party. As you know, we at Claremont McKenna College admire those with entrepreneurial spirits and a dream to change the world, and we see these qualities in Billy McFarland. Below is Billy’s official statement:

What’s up, Claremont! This is your boy, Billy McFarland. I am so excited to take part in Pyrate Party 2019 with you all! I know that Pirate Party has been a staple of the Claremont social scene in the past, but I believe we can make it so much better than ever before. We have a chance to put Claremont on the map! Instead of a free party for everyone that is really fun, Pyrate Party is going to be out of this world. There is going to be great music with artists such as Ja Rule, Taylor Swift and hologram Tupac, amazing food from top chefs, incredible weather, tents and more. Alumni purchasing tickets will have all of their travel provided for. All of this, and incredible memories, for a steal of only $5,000 per student. The event will be cashless, and I am partnering with the schools to convert your student ID cards into special Magnises Claremont ID cards that will only cost an affordable annual fee of $400. In fact, the party will take place on a patch of grass once owned by Al Capone. Tickets go on sale next week, don’t miss your chance to be part of the experience of a lifetime! 

__________________________________________________________________

The Golden Antlers team has done some immediate research on these claims. We reached out to Fyre Festival co-founder Ja Rule, if he would be performing. “No way,” said Ja Rule. “I’m not going through all of this again,” the rapper added.

We have discovered that “the patch of grass once owned by Al Capone” is just Parents Field, which in fact has never been owned by Al Capone. It has only been a day, and we have heard rumors that the “top chefs” will not commit, and the food provider will likely be leftovers from Collins Dining Hall. 

Nobody is sure if McFarland can pull this off. However, regardless of the outcome, Pyrate Party 2019 will certainly change the landscape of the Claremont Colleges social scene, forever

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