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Golden Antlers Exclusive: Statistics on the Incoming Class of 2019

 

Dear CMC Class of 2019,

Winter break is drawing to a close, you’ve received your acceptance letters, and you’re already looking forward to coordinating shot glasses and bedspreads with your future roomie.  Lucky for you we’ve got the inside scoop on what your future classmates are going to be like. We hereby present the official collected data from the 2014 Entering Students survey that was sent to you in late December.  (What is this? The Golden Antlers reporting facts?  We won’t be mad if you unsubscribe, the next thing you know we’ll be calling ourselves The Forum II!)

Special thanks to Dean Spellman, Dean Vos, and everybody else over at the Dean of Students Office for allowing us the exclusive rights to publish the results of the survey.  Sorry we’re not sorry that we are the most read publication on all five campuses.  We’d also like to say thanks to the 87% of the CMC class of 2019 who took the time to actually fill out the survey.  Additionally, a big no thanks to the 13% of the Class of 2019 who didn’t bother to check their email in time to fill out the damn survey.  We don’t hate you because you’re boring, you’re boring because we hate you.  Without further ado, the results of the 2014 Incoming Student Survey!!

XOXO,

Golden Antlers Girl

P.S. Yes, we will report the facts and figures correctly.  No, we will not restrain ourselves from making smartass comments.

Class of 2019:

Most Common Name:  Mohammed  (We’re not saying CMC is letting in more international students, but the Class of 2016’s most common name was Sarah)

Most Common Birthday: November 2nd  (Nine months after the day corporate personhood was legalized in the landmark Trustees of Dartmouth College v. Woodward Supreme court decision.  Coincidence? We think not.)

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The Class of 2019 Includes:

  • three sets of twins and two complete sets of triplets! (And you thought you were just hallucinating at 6:01!)
  • a student who is ranked 7th in the world in competitive mock trial
  • 9 Eagle Scouts (An estimated 22.22% of whom have already lost their virginity! Congratulations!)
  • a student who won grand prize in the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair (Did she mean to apply to Harvey Mudd?  Oops.)
  • a student who owns 85,000 shares in Microsoft and 7,000 shares in Google
  • The real daughter of the man who invented the Pillsbury Toaster Strudel© (Suck it, Gretchen Weiners)
  • A record 29 students who have already started their own businesses
  • A first-chair flautist from the Chicago Symphony
  • A state champion in Roller Derby-ing (even our most advanced Copy Editors had no idea how to make “Roller Derby” into a verb)

Class of 2019 Matriculating Students Statistics:

1.

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2.

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3.

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4.

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5.

 

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Many thanks to John Faranda, Vice President for Alumni and Parent Relations, who tipped us off that in the last 10 years the Alumni Association has data for (2003 – 2013), an unbelievable 64.2% of married alums were married to someone they met during their years at CMC.  We polled them for info on where they met and fell in love.  No pressure.

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– Clancy Tripp CMC ’15, with writing contributed by Jessica Jin CMC ’16 and Sam Pitcavage CMC ’15

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