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How to Show Tasteful Nudity on Zoom


In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat technology that will allow the learning to continue from your dorm room. 

Zoom has left many with pressing questions. What happens if it crashes? How can we do group assignments effectively? But all of these pale in comparison to the issue that campus is buzzing about, how do I show tasteful nudity on Zoom without being too forward with my professor/classmates? We’re here to reconcile your concerns.

First off, definitely refrain from any loud masturbation on camera. The noise will undoubtedly be incredibly distracting to the class and might derail a lively discussion. Furthermore, nip slips should happen no more than once a class. This goes for all genders. Doing it more often than that might lead people to believe that you’re doing it on purpose (which you are). 

Additionally, you should not wear any pants, shorts, skirts, etc that show too much of your rear end. Instead, subtly hint to the class that you’re wearing nothing at all down there. Statements like “Oh man it’s drafty in here,” or “My legs are covered in goosebumps,” can help the class imagine your tantalizing lower half while lending you plausible deniability.  However, completely disregard this if you have an ass that just won’t quit. 

Lastly, don’t wear anything that you wouldn’t want your grandparents seeing you wearing. This means that assless chaps are probably a no, unless they’re studded in which case that sounds awesome. 

I hope that this is helpful for all of you that were worrying about this issue. It should save you some embarrassment. Not that it really matters though because we’re all going to be dead from coronavirus soon anyways.


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