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How To Spend Your Bitcoin at CMC

 

Bitcoin is what everyone’s talking about. Your Econ professor tells you it’s a hopeless endeavor. Your grandma asks you if you can download it for her. Jackson Bill, a CMC First Year, hasn’t mentioned he owns some in 10 minutes and now his twitch is back. There’s no denying that many investors have gained exponential returns on their bitcoin investments. Just today, 50 Cent released that he had “forgotten about 700 Bitcoins he was paid in for a past album”. His hoard is now worth $7-8 million- more proof that 50 Cent is a cultural figurehead commissioned by the government to “hiphopify” the public’s interest in the economy. Stop reading. Listen to “In Da Club” and tell me you don’t feel the spirit of Adam Smith rushing through your veins. Back to the point – Bitcoin has risen up to twenty-fold in some markets the past year, averaging a 11,500 USD to 1 bitcoin exchange rate today. What does this mean for CMC students? Most likely nothing for most of you noobs who have taken countless Econ classes but still scoffed at the idea of crypto currency until earlier this month. However, for the select few CMCers who hopped on the bandwagon early and are now swimming in pools of cryptocash, here are some ways to you can spend your bitcoin at CMC:

Fund the Golden Antlers Coup against ASCMC: 

  • *Contact Jacksón Smith for more information*

Fund The Golden Antlers

  • Plz send us all your bitcoins to this address: 191bKk2AqX82tLqfkHeYJmYeZV2iCm8B8C

Patent the phrase “State and Local Government”:

  • Thereby forcing the Rose to revert to its previous name: The Rose Institute of Passionate Soccer Moms and Lonely Retirees Whom Attend City Council Meetings to bury feelings of meaninglessness through anti-dog poop campaigns.

Hire Robert Mueller to Investigate Collusion between Kravis Leadership Institute and Russia:

  • They have to be getting their leadership from somewhere! WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?

Adopt Theo Chodash:

  • Sure he may be the essence of perfection, but can he be exchanged for a new pair of Ray Ban Rounds? Ask President Chodash.

A Religious Studies Degree with a Leadership Sequence:

  • Will only cost you 26 bitcoin and all future employment possibilities.

Patron an artist to repaint Frary’s Prometheus dick:

  • This man gave us fire and we give him a blurry dick. CMC MUST demand better.

Tide Pods for everyone:

  • Pretty sure they sell these at the Hub. Great on pizza.

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