Dear Golden Antlers Fans,
Holy shit. We did not realize you would take us so seriously. Yes, we admit, we’re so cool we pulled an April Fools a month early; DOS has not, in any way tried to shut us down.
We would like to thank our loyal readership for their commitment to Golden Showers of Journalism. We shall continue reporting raw news quicker than The Forum can finish copy and pasting a Dean’s email. Be prepared for some hard, fast, throbbing facts. Steady yourself for thoroughly researched dick jokes. Ready your swooning couch for appropriately cited, insightful analysis that will explode your libido.
For realzies: 2,750+ views in under two hours, nearly 100 signatures on our Churchill petition, and many emails and texts of support. Clearly we have the best goddamn fans in the world. We promise not to fuck with you anymore.
– Clancy Tripp CMC ‘15
p.s. Read our article (possibly) coming out tomorrow morning entitled “20 Year Old Literature Major Stoned to Death by Enraged Readership” and “As Deans Blamed for Shitty Joke, Golden Antlers Actually Disbanded”
p.p.s. Thanks to Lucas Van Houten & Dante Toppo for helping craft this article.
p.p.p.s. We’re making tanks.