“It Was Really All Just Hypothetical Anyways,” Pitzer Admin On Like Social Justice and Stuff

Pitzer College recently illegally fired three dining service workers for being pro-union. When asked for justification, they stated “because we can, na na na na boo boo,” and President Strom Thacker affirmed this message by blowing a raspberry and clapping his hands like a happy toddler.

In an exclusive interview with the Golden Antlers, one Pitzer College administrator stated, “It’s okay for our students to organize, just not the help. I’m just disappointed we can’t keep going. If we could fire all our workers we wouldn’t have to deal with this ‘livable wage’ bullshit.”

“Look, people are mad at us for ignoring our core values, but it’s important to remember that they’re values, not practices. It was one of those situations where it’s like, ‘what would you do if this were to happen,’ and should not be applied to ‘what you should do when this actually happens.’” 

They continued, stating, “We thought we made it pretty clear that you should fight against The Man and stuff, but we’re not The Man–we’re Pitzer College! You’ll know The Man when you see him: he’ll be doing bad stuff like underpaying people, illegally firing people, and having a board of trustees. We totally believe in, like, workers’ rights and everything but sometimes there are exceptions–specifically, for our workers’ rights.”