You’ve heard of cuffing season. Now meet ghosting season. You know it’s here by the pumpkin displays at the Hoch and mascara-streaked tears across all 5 campuses.
For some students, post-fall break means you’re ready to channel raw family issues into your fear of commitment. What better means could there be than a seasonally appropriate detachment from your romantically involved other?
For others, let’s just say your emotional baggage wouldn’t make it through the TSA.
We here at the Golden Antlers can relate to the cold grey of a Read 4:28 PM. Like the steely color of a gravestone, it haunts you. Not to mention the literal haunting you’ll experience, when every shitty Mead party you attend will feature your ex-hookup lurking in the corner.
Ode to a Claremont ghost:
We were special
The two times we hung out.
I’ll never forget the moment
we matched on tinder.
You showed me three
of your favorite albums and
I didn’t care.
I wish you still sent
Our advice for ghosters: throw a couple ghost emojis in with your romantic texts. It’ll send subliminal messages to warn the ghostee. You can’t be blamed for leaving a regular hookup if you clearly sent an abnormal amount of Halloween themed gifs/emojis. This is 2018–people need to learn how to understand objectively clear communication. No emotional guilt for you! Honestly win-win.
Our advice for ghostees: Fuck the ghost. Embrace the abandonment and channel your emotional pain into a seductive Halloween costume. Randomly ‘bump’ into your ghost at a CMC dorm party. Dance with your friends until you forget all of your abandonment fears and remember college is dumb and full of babies anyway. Remember, ghosts are pathetic. After all, they couldn’t even figure out how to die right, which how they ended up in earthbound purgatory. What losers. If your love interest is a ghost they’re literally of no substance and weren’t worth anything in the first place. They’re practically dead to you anyway at this point and you’re still hot as fuck. Also–the best way to get over being a ghostee: find someone new. Ghost them.
I guarantee if you follow these tips, you can focus on the important things in October: whether Hocus Pocus beats out Halloween Town or if Twitches will forever reign supreme.
Happy Ghosting Claremont!