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Jesus Finally Comes


This Easter Sunday, Lent will finally be over, and the Pope can’t wait for Jesus to come. For 50 whole days, Franky had to practice abstinence and not eating meat (only on Fridays though–the rest of the time, he’s chomping beef to his heart’s content). Good Lord, it’s so long! So he really can’t wait for his platonic friend, Jesus, to come this weekend.

After stripping off His linens, getting nice and oiled up, even putting on a little perfume, Jesus will be looking His spiffiest Sunday morning, so Big F will be sure to wear his nicest silk robe for the occasion. After all, once Jesus is risen, Frank’s got to be ready to receive Him! Francis’ love for Jesus is one rock that won’t go away.

The Pope is no stranger to his and Jesus’ little routine every year: they get a bit tipsy, bodily fluids are exchanged, he’ll nibble on Jesus a little. It’s a really special, intimate time. And yet, every year, Jesus invites a whole bunch of other people over, too, “hey, there’s enough Jesus to go around!” And then everyone takes turns eating Jesus.

That’s why Fran is so gosh darn excited for this Easter! With the recent COVID spike here at the 5C’s (home to Jesus) limiting crowd sizes, it’ll just be him and Him, pillow talking all morning. Well, maybe a few people can slip in, for old times’ sake.

Happy Easter from the Golden Antlers to all our readers celebrating Jesus finishing (being dead) this weekend!

Note: the author of this article would like to apologize to her fellow Catholics for this one, as well as promise that she is going to Confession quite soon. In her defense, it did pretty much write itself.


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