Halloweekend is approaching fast and let’s be honest, you haven’t put together three costumes yet for every night of regret. We here at the Golden Antlers understand that you don’t want to do a cliche outfit like a cat, lifeguard, or even the overused trash bag. So here’s a list of completely easy to make and original Halloween costume ideas that will guarantee to make you garner the eyes and respect of everyone else crowded in North Quad.
1. Scripps’s Leaking Sewage
You know the sewage the comes from North Columbia Street? Well it’s the perfect costume idea for this weekend! It’s really easy to put together as all you have to do is not shower for a couple days, and spend the rest of your afternoon at Pitzer. The pure stench of rawness and nature will sure to rub off on you, especially after taking a couple shots of Cava.
2. A Literal Piece of Trash
For this one you don’t actually have to dress up! Come as you are.
3. Your Favorite Clock Tower!
This completely original idea is going to make everyone wish that they would have thought of it first! Pomona’s Smith Tower and Pitzer’s Brant Towers are really easy to make as all you have to do is wear a box and then draw some lines and a clock. And BAM! You got yourself one hell of an outfit that was made in less than a minute.
4. Collins Dick Statue
I know, I know, it’s very similar to your favorite clock tower. The difference? It’s tall, thin, and blindingly white. It requires a certain body type to be able to pull it off, but boy, if you do, Roberts himself might wrap his arms around you.
5. Sexy Hiram Chodosh
Everyone has that unlucky suit that failed to get them that internship position at Deloitte, so instead of just throwing it out, might as well try to use it for this weekend. This is a really easy last second costume, as all you have to do cut off the sleeves of your least desired suit and loosen your tie. This costume will guarantee that others will be calling you Hiram “Chodaddy” for the rest of the night.
6. Keynesian Econ-Bro
This may seem intimidating, but it’s really quite simple. The great Milton Keynes once said that the best way to stimulate an economy was to pay people to dig holes and then pay more people to fill them, over and over again. This economy-stimulating activity can be replicated by taking 6 shots in a row, puking in a trashcan, and then paying your more sober and entrepreneuring friends to empty said trashcan. Repeat as necessary. Pareto efficiency, bam. BONUS: getting transported injects a further $1000 into the local economy.
7. That Silver Scripps Squirrel
Just go around staring people down until they move out of your way — oh yeah, you can also wear a bushy tail if you’re into that, we’re not judging. Plus, if you find a special hubbie in a cat costume, things might get a little freaky.
8. Scripps Dad(dy)
One of the most original costumes on this list. Honestly. This is the most original idea we could come up with. Your fellow bros are going to wish that they had thought of this really unique costume. If you pull this off, you’ll be a legend, bruh.
9. A Soiled Roman, Vaguely Prehistory
Let’s be honest, your toga is still stuck in a bush somewhere and you still haven’t washed it. May as well get a second use outta that bad boy — you didn’t spend $29.99 at Target for dino children’s sheets for nothin.
Nothing is as fun as pretending to actually care about something, when in reality you don’t! Fuck it, protest fracking or whatever, you couldn’t care less.
11. A Really Qualified Job Applicant
You never know when a potential employer might show up to one of your Halloween parties! Must do: staple your resume to your chest and constantly talk about your achievements — you never know when an image or audio recording of the night might leak out — make sure to leave a good impression!
12. Your FWB
I mean they basically have half their wardrobe in your room already, might as well put that on and call yourself Jack Goodwin for the rest of the night. But play it cool, you don’t want to let Jack think that you’re into him or anything, I mean you promised each other that it was just sex and feelings wouldn’t get involved. But! Neither of you said anything about wearing each other’s clothes, hair, and belongings!
13. Dick-Less Prometheus
Worried about the heat wave? For this costume, just go nude! The only prop you’ll need for this one is your lighter, representing bringing light to the people. Just make sure not to burn your pubes off!
14. Pitzer Cactus
This one is one of the easier costumes on the list. All you have to do is trip into a Pitzer cactus and let its spikes penetrate you— voila! You’re a cactus too.
This costume requires progressive commitment: start off the night with a shot o’ Svedka yelling “Finna be lit!,” then continue to down the rest of that bottle of Fireball you found under your roommate’s bed, then you do you. Maybe send a text message resembling this to really convince your friends of your costume:
J d halp
grieun beechs litt
D u hav more alc