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Long-Distance Couple Returns to Claremont, Continues Facetiming


It was a story straight out of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale… He was a junior and she was a freshman when they locked eyes on the Collin’s Mongolian Wok line that fateful mid-May afternoon. It was a forbidden love: he went to Pomona, she to Pitzer. His parents would never accept he was dating a ceramics major; her parents still wanted her to be a lesbian.

Despite the shame they would bring to their families, the two lovers embarked on a cross-campus dalliance. After two weeks of oscillating the unmentionables, boppin’ squiddles, and then also having sex, the star-crossed lovers were in a place worse than North Quad at 9 pm: choosing between a long-distance relationship and hooking up with their junior year prom date over summer. 

But the distance could not separate them: their siblings were forced to hear the anguished cries of blue balls when the wifi cut out during late night Facetimes. After three long months, she was ready to hear about his day in person and he was ready to put his dick in her mouth.

However, upon their return to Claremont, his Greenbike access was revoked after his bike was found partially buried in the Pitzer chicken coop following Tour de Franzia. Condemned to travel by foot, they feared contracting dysentery from braving a trek comparable only to the Oregon Trail: Harwood Court to the Pitzer pool. Given the ability to mute each other at a moment’s notice and the unconquerable distance, the pair decided continuing to facetime would be the healthiest choice for their relationship. The world could not keep them apart, but a mile could.


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