Merriam-Kravis Dictionary of Words We’re Allowed to Put on the Internet

Volume I, CMC 2016

 

We at the Golden Antlers know this time of year can be daunting for new students. We’ve all been there before: trying to find our way to classes, “accidentally” eating brownies for the first time, and deciding which shade of salmon short best matches our boat shoes. To help you guys with this transition, we’ve put together a quick reference guide of terms you might hear the next couple weeks as you drunkenly stumble through a TNC pregame.

Below is the official CMC Dictionary of Terms and Definitions We’re Allowed To Put On The Internet:

  • A
    • Appleby Lounge (n): Statistically, more beer was absorbed by the linoleum than was drunk last year.
    • ABC (n) : Anything But Clothes. A term used both for a party and Pitzer’s dress code.
  • B
    • Baldy (n): Catch a gorgeous, pollution-produced sunset atop this peak next to a couple going at it in an ‘87 Camry with one door.
    • Boat shoes (n): Wear these if you can’t bear to be parted from the feeling of your yacht beneath your feet. Always fashionable at Ath Tea.
  • C
    • Camp Sec (pl. n): Legend tells of a time when they once found a stolen laptop. 2 weeks later, Kid had already bought himself a new one. Whatever, they tried ok?
    • Chodosh (n): I’ll take 4-syllable higher education buzzwords for $400, Alex.
    • Claremont Mile (n): Let’s be honest, it’s really about ½ a mile.
    • Clarence Thomas (n): RIP Antonin.
    • Cocaine (n): For when you have an open weeknight with no GCal invites #cocainetuesdays
    • Collins (n): No shirt, no shoes, no service, but typical Thursday night snack attire.
    • Cubing (v): Going to the Cube for the sole purpose of covering yourself in baby oil and sliding along the glass.
  • D
    • Deloitte (n): A mythical land of milk and honey where the Children of Kravis ascend for eternal glory and praise.
      • Ex. “I’m driving into Deloitte today because my helicopter pilot is on strike.”
    • Dry week (n): More of a thought experiment since the class of ‘72 made keg stands admission criteria.
  • E
    • Eurobash (n): Because parking lot acoustics are apparently underrated.
  • F
    • Financial aid (n): If you find the office, let the rest of us know. If you can’t find the office, is a building at CMC named after your parents?
  • G
    • Green beach (n): The perfect tee box for that first 60 yard par 3 into a solo cup.
  • H
    • Hub (n): The watering hole. Brian Eckhardt’s favorite culinary establishment. Epitome of postmodern architecture. Orange couch with wilted lettuce leaves is both haute cuisine and a lifestyle choice.
  • I
    • (Claremont) Independent (n): Swiggity swag their patronus might be a thumb?
    • Innovation (n) see Leadership.
  • J
    • Jeb! Bush (n): Tell us more about how you worked on that sinking ship.
  • K
    • KLI-tis (n): Side effect of mainlining heroin and/or leadership quotations.
    • Kravis (n): That shadowy figure who perches atop the 4th floor at night. He’s not the hero we need, he’s the one we deserve. He is…loaded.
  • L
    • Lit (n) : The past participle of being in North Quad.
      • Ex. “Dude, I just deep-throated a mozz stix in North Quad. It was lit”
      • See Mozz stix.
    • Leadership (n): How many type-A, high-functioning CMCers does it take to circlejerk about team dynamics? Something like 8, but we’ll get back to you on that.
  • M
    • Mozz stix (n) see Cocaine.
    • Mr. Stag (n): A contest of gladiatorial strength and prowess in the arena of Coors. Lost to the sands of time, it will forever live on through bros shouting “hold my beer,” and then proceeding to pass out on a NQ couch.
  • N
    • Norovirus (n): Still not enough to slow Chipotle burritos thrown into the bottomless pit of Benson stoners’ stomachs.
  • O
    • Org Psych (n): Because there had to be a way to make other academic disciplines bend to the will of finance (pronounced fiNANCE).
  • P
    • Pomona (n): How many potshots is too many potshots?
      • Ex. “9.4%”
  • Q
    • Quiet hours (n): 4-5am every other Wednesday.
  • R
    • RDS (n): Robert Day School of Economics, Finance, and Longboarding In Suits.
    • Reading Room (n): If you haven’t muffled open sobs in a silent room once, have you ever really cried?
    • Reagan (n): Really? Do you go here?
      • Ex. “Seriously?”
    • Roberts (n): If you build it, parents will come. And give more.
    • Roof (n): Collins’ Roof, for watching the sunrise with a mimosa pregame before 8am Chemistry at Keck
    • Ryal-ed up (n): To rail lines of Adderall in Ryal lab.
      • Ex. “I was so ryaled up last night that I could feel colors.”
  • S
    • Sah (n): Normally followed by dude. The international obviously-not-homosexual call of the male.
    • Snack (n): Where overfed college students satisfy TNC/THC-generated cravings.
    • Snack lady (n): The intimidating yet kindly force who totally knows you’re lit.
    • Stark sesh (n): The consumption of narcotics within the sober sanctuary of south quad.
  • T
    • TNR Tilt (n): The most important crowdfunding effort of a generation.
      • Ex. “I contribute to TNR because beer pong isn’t the game we want, it’s the one we NEED.”
  • U
    • Über (n): The key to yakking out the window is neck mobility. It’s more of a turn and thrust.
  • V
    • Venmo (n): Paying at Tropical Lei in cash is so 2013.
  • W
    • Walter’s (n): Who doesn’t love drinking with retirees?
    • Weed (n): For that pesky lower backache. Single-handedly supports a family of 6 whose parents work at the Domino’s around the corner.
    • White party (n): See Frost. Or SpaceX. What’s a euphemism?
  • X
    • Xanny (n): When downing a fifth of Jäeger doesn’t do it for you.
  • Y
    • Yoga (n): Mat: $18. Lulu’s: $70. Seeing someone fall over still drunk Friday morning during downward dog: priceless.
  • Z
    • Zinda press box (n): The other “unique” CMC hookup spot when Collin’s roof is taken by that foursome.

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