Newest Pomona Student Just Wondering if Anyone Else Here from Seattle or West Coast

 

A future Pomona student has garnered 4 comments and 12 likes on a recent post in the official class of 2019 Facebook group. High school senior Max Gardner (PO ’19) has already made a name for himself among the 7 students who like every post in the group as someone they will “maybe Facebook message, see at orientation, and never speak to.”

In his post, he shares his name, his hopes of majoring in “neuroscience, linguistics, or maybe environmental studies,” and his love of working out. He then states that he is “just wondering if anyone else here is from the Seattle area or the West Coast.” Gardner, who sometimes does pushups in his room and takes PE at school, is slated to graduate number two in his class with a devastating A minus in honors Japanese.

“I’m really happy to be done with college applications,” said Gardner. “My best friend got rejected, so now he has to wait months to hear back from Middlebury, Williams, and the Ivy Leagues. I’m excited to meet the rest of the class and hear about their hometowns, sports, volunteer work and prospective majors! When I read a paragraph someone writes about themselves in a Facebook group, I can really get a sense of whether or not I should like it and comment ‘I love indie music too! Who else can’t wait for Coachella??’”

Four students responded to his post, all of whom are from Marin County, Calif. but have seen Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, sometimes go to thrift stores, and “love Seattle.” Only one of them has actually been to Washington.

“I stalked his profile pictures back to 2010,” said fellow group member Alicia Stanley (PO’19). “My friends think we will be a really cute couple.” At press time Stanley is unaware of Gardner’s girlfriend, a high school junior whom he plans to stay with until either Thanksgiving break or until he realizes that he will never again be surrounded by this many horny people in his age bracket – whichever comes first.

“I’d say my post was a success,” said Gardner. “Judging by the likes, it looks like there are 12 people here from the Seattle area or the West Coast.”

– Anya Deering PZ ’17

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