Calling the other members of the 2018 CMC Admitted Students Facebook group “fucking weirdos,” Paul Dunn CMC ’18 expressed concern that he was, in fact, the only normal person in the entire group. Originally created by the CMC Admissions department as a forum for new students to get to know one another and have their questions answered by current students, the 2018 Admitted Students group quickly devolved into what Dunn called “a bunch of nerds talking about their SAT scores.” Dunn expressed concern to his mother, high school girlfriend, and camp friends that, based on the highly active group of eager admitted students, CMC was 100% “dumb asshats” asking questions like “will my mother be allowed to stay overnight in my room”” and “what is the party scene like on campus?” Dunn further surmised that “according to, oh I don’t know, fifty fucking thousand people” the WOA letters have been sent out and the Portal is officially up and running. Overall Dunn concluded that his fellow classmates entering CMC in the Fall of 2014 were “socially impaired freaks,” a fact this former High-School-Treasurer plans to use in his bid speech for Freshman Class President. Dunn expressed disgust about the lack of “talent” among his peers and repeatedly confirmed that he was surely the only halfway cool person in the group. “However,” Dunn admitted, “some good did come out of the group. I applied to work at the Forum which appears to be the most widely read, respected publication on campus.”
– Clancy Tripp CMC ’15
** If anyone from the Class of 2018 (no fucking weirdos, please) has any interest in writing for the least respected publication on campus, please contact thegoldenstagonline@gmail.com
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