OPINION: Have worms been feeling really good in your mouth lately?


Hello. Have worms been feeling better than usual in your mouth recently? Like they feel like they belong there now? I don’t know maybe it’s just me. But I feel like it can’t be my mouth. I think it’s the worms themselves. Normally putting worms in my mouth is like: “okay, time to put worms in my mouth again; let’s get this over with.” 

But in the past week or so it’s been more like “huh, okay. I don’t mind the worms being in my mouth today and I actually kinda think they’re pretty comfortable in there. Like I think they belong in here in my mouth with their warm wet bodies slipping and sliding against the surface of my silky tongue and cheeks. They seem to be enjoying themselves and so am I. This can’t be wrong; ergo it must be right.” Ya know? 

I mean it’s just so crazy to think about! Putting worms in my mouth has always been very middle-of-the-road compared to the other daily activities I do. Not really good or bad, just something I have to do once or twice a day like trimming my toenails or messaging my dad on LinkedIn. So for the worms in my mouth to suddenly feel comfortable is kind of a radical change. 

You probably think I’m just some village idiot. Like this is just so strange. I don’t know maybe just message me on Instagram if worms have been feeling really good in your mouth lately too. But I was just thinking about it the other day after I put the worms in my mouth and before I commented rat emojis on Pete Buttigieg’s husband’s sister’s personal Facebook page. 

I was sitting there, licking the worm shit from the inside of my teeth and I was like: “Wow, alright. That wasn’t so bad. Okay. Alright then that was pretty good I think. Whew. Well, I guess that was not bad I reckon.” 

God I feel so dumb. I’m probably crazy. But I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if anyone else has been enjoying the feeling of worms in their mouth more than normal. Anyway, I have to go take my worms to daycare. What daddy’s little wormies want, daddy’s little wormies get. 


Leave a Reply



Food for Worms: Five Recipes Even the Pickiest Worm Will Love

OPINION: I can’t stop fucking worms.