OPINION: the Scripps Swimming Pool Is Too Damn Small!


As a CMC student whose parents pay a lot of money to attend these colleges, I think it’s high time Scripps pulls their weight for once and provides a pool I can at least swim in. Look at this, I’m barely up to my knees in here! And is that a fucking turtle? That can’t be sanitary. My dad has a friend who works for the health department, he might be curious to hear about this. These fish are real, man. I don’t want to swim where fish are shitting. Though I guess the ocean has fish in it, too. Shit, is the ocean also unsanitary? That’s it, I’m calling my dad, no more oceans.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the swimming pool. Look, I realize this pool might be the right size for all these tiny Scripps women with their short feminine legs and arms. But I’m a man! I’m basically six feet tall, I can’t fit in here! And why is everyone looking at me like that? Go drink your coffee somewhere else. Can’t a man swim some laps in peace?

Look, if I can’t show off my gloriously masculine smooth body in every single outdoor location at the 5C’s, why am I even here in the first place? I walked all the way to Scripps so some babes could get a look at my shirtless toned abs, the very least they can do for me is provide a swimming pool deep enough to get my dick wet. God knows these Scripps girls aren’t helping out with that in any other ways. Gotta get back to CMC…hang out with other CMC men who get it…CMC men and their smooth sexy bodies…Fuck! Did that turtle just bite me?


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