BREAKING NEWS: The Golden Antlers has just discovered a new journalistic tool dedicated to truth and excellence: Google Doc screenshotting. Here’s how it basically works:
Step 1: we go to painfully great lengths to personally hijack someone’s Google account in the name of honesty. Some devious nabbers are difficult and keep their passwords secret so sometimes some stalkin’ or a little bit of social engineering is all that’s required to open their digital vaults (anything online is really public these days)! Or we just make Google docs ourselves and imagine what would be in them
Step 2: Next, we try and find facts and facts only, like breaking news, bank account numbers, guilty pleasures, etc.
Step 3: Then, we thoroughly investigate the authenticity of any information we find, contact the owner of the Google document, learn about the context, and write all of this information down on a nice, little piece of paper which we throw away.
Step 4: SCREENSHOT THE SHIT OUT OF IT
Step 5: Profit.
Boom. Journalism. Check out what facts we’ve been able to uncover in just ONE day of this! Just imagine all of the righteous goodness we could accomplish in TWO days. What fun journalism is! Here, be sure to share these golden nuggets with everyone you know:
Looks like we finally know what Chodosh’s guilty pleasure is! I can’t believe he was foolish to think this was private!
Caught! Looks like the Motleys got a lot to fess up. What is this, 1984? “Big Sister” trying to ram tolerance down our throats one word at time. Not on our watches!
After years of no one believing us that Mr. Glick really does #FeelTheBern, finally the evidence to prove us right materializes! Tweet it, share it, snapchat it — nothing can slow us down now!
OH BABY – The BIG KAHUNA. Watch out Brad, the Athenaeum’s got something comin’ for ya. Next time you put your cup on its side to order some mint hot chocolate — Think again! It’s gonna be arsenic so that you. Can’t. Leave. Before. The. Speaker. Is. Finished. Speaking.
For all you Brad’s out there, you know who you are