Phantom of the Slopera

6 Times You Saw a 5C Party Ghost but Didn't Realize

     

    Today marks Toga, the pinnacle of cliché college parties, and the preeminent site of first year laundry regret. Frosh from the 5Cs over will descend on CMC to participate in the only non-networking related orgy sponsored by the school, laden in their spare XL twin sheets.

    Historically, togas were worn by senators in the ancient Roman republic. The term candidate originates from the Latin candida, which signified the white togas worn by campaigning senators. Analogously, we here at the Golden Antlers would like to offer a new term–the frandidate, which signifies the boxed wine stains adorning newly indoctrinated underclassmen into the 5C party scene. A frandidate is a student long soiled by the stains of parties past.

    Let’s take a walk down memory lane, and explore the 5C ghosts of parties past. Much like Nearly Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle of Hogwarts, specters of the past linger around the Claremont Colleges. To see them, you just need to know where to look.

    So, while you’re at Toga, keep an eye out for the Phantoms of the Slopera– the 6 ghosts of parties past.

    1. The CGU student standing behind you in line, who kinda looks like he has grey hair but you can’t tell. Yeah, he died 20 years ago.
    2. That keg you tried to tap six times, each time forgetting there was only foam left. It died 15 minutes ago.
    3. Your hopes of accomplishing anything before 6pm tomorrow. Dead. You should have called that the moment Lil Yachty came on.
    4. The girl you drunk bonded with who you haven’t seen since your freshman writing seminar. She doesn’t even go here.
    5. The cracked iPhone at the bottom of a Scripps fountain. Its dead, but a bag of rice could probably bring it back.
    6. Your freshman year hookup who you made eye contact with across North Quad and pretended not to see you. We promise this one will haunt you for four years at least.

    Crescit Cum Vino Civitas–Civilization Prospers with Wine

    Leave a Reply