News has quickly spread across the 5C’s that Scripps College has, once again, overenrolled. As a result, 38 first-years were assigned to live off-campus. Every day, these unlucky students journey back and forth from their home in the outskirts of Claremont, the faraway land of the CGU apartments.*
There, they find their friendly neighbors: the couple just trying to raise a baby without the inconveniences of 38 first year scrippsies, the old man with no shoes who listens to Bob Dylan outside of the laundry room, the two actual grad students, a townie, and, a personal favorite, that rando who hangs around at midnight but has never actually been spotted entering or exiting any of the rooms.
Scripps has offered several benefits to the students living at CGU as compensation for their unusual housing situation. The 38 students were notified from the start that they will receive priority housing next year as well as $2000 toward either a new laptop or a stipend for a summer internship, but, two weeks into the school year, Scripps rounded out the deal: a free subscription to Tinder+ for all Scripps CGU residents.
“Here at Scripps College, we value fostering resourcefulness in our bright, aspiring young women,” explains Lara Tiedens, the President of Scripps College. “Therefore, we decided to offer an additional tool to our CGU residents seeking to make their Scripps first-year experience a memorable one. With Tinder+, we hope these scrippsies are able to find themselves better places to spend the night.”
The Golden Antlers set out to investigate the success of this program. Jessica Thompson, Scripps ‘21, shares “I got my account 32 days ago. I haven’t been back to my apartment in 31.”
Thompson says she swipes right on any person claiming to be a student at one of the Claremont Colleges, and she often receives multiple offers in a single night. She believes this has something to do with her bio, which reads “has tits.”
To maintain personal hygiene, Thompson typically showers around 4am in various dorm showers and can sometimes be found bathing in one of Scripps’s fountains.
“While spending my first semester of college squatting nightly in hookups’ dorms may not be my proudest accomplishment, it certainly beats going back to CGU.”