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Scripps Students Thank Shannen Miller for Helping Them Realize How Inferior They Really Are

 

Theresa Iker, Ex-Scripps 2014, reports:

Following Shannen Miller’s assertion that Scripps, like all women’s colleges, is “in fact not superior in countering gender inequality,” many Scripps students are finally realizing that their college is in fact not superior in anything. Monsour has experienced an astronomical increase in appointments; according to the receptionist, the calls are almost entirely from female voices who incoherently mumble which 5C they attend.

Thankfully, there are many places to hide on Scripps' campus
Thankfully, there are many places to hide on Scripps’ campus

Even more troubling is the volume of transfer applications flooding professors and Dean of Students faculty requiring urgent signatures. Worse still, many Scripps students who are abroad have announced that they are not coming back. Emma Brillhart, formerly Scripps ’14, writes from Paris: “Miller’s article was a huge wake-up call. Because I have realized my education is severely lacking pragmatism, I am going to roam the streets of Paris for the summer before applying to coeducational colleges with a minimum of 55% male attendance.”
Many students were also shocked to learn that the gender gap was an abstract disparity between the sexes rather than a specific term for male-female income disparity. Even more enlightening were comments below the article discussing a physical manifestation of said gap in spaces like the Scripps gym, which enforces women’s only hours. In response to Miller’s refusal to cross Ninth Street, others have speculated that Ninth Street itself is the gender gap, as it divides Scripps from the other colleges and therefore from the real world.

just wait until she gets to the real world and meets a man!
just wait until she gets to the real world and meets a man!

In a desperate bid to keep at least a third of currently matriculating Scripps students at the college, Scripps Associated Students has kicked off an aggressive programming series. Student Activities Chair Meredith Kertzman, Scripps ’13, has already collaborated with the Career Planning and Resources Office in hosting a workshop entitled “From Nightmare to Wet Dream: How to Thrive on Your Saturday Nights.” This, she informs The Golden Antlers, is meant to alleviate some of the article commenters’ concerns regarding Scripps women’s “nightmarish” behavior on Saturday Nights. “We just want to make sure that Scripps students know they can find help,” Kertzman says.
There has been no confirmation from the Scripps Office of Admissions regarding withdrawn first-year applications, but many anticipate a drastic hit. The mood on campus today was somber, given that many of the women hiding out at Scripps for academic purposes were hiding even more thoroughly in their dormitories. Privately, however, many Scripps students are extremely thankful for Miller’s revelation, as it has enabled them to make much-needed changes in their academic careers.

– Theresa Iker SCR ’14

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