Spring Break Report on Mexico: DO NOT COME


The crisis at the border can no longer be ignored. It is our duty to ensure that wild drug addicts stay in their country. To quote Kamala Harris, “Do not come.”

With spring break nearly upon us, students of the 5Cs, please do not come to Mexico. If your idea of Mexican food is Malott taco night or Chipotle, do not come to Mexico. If you say your favorite Mexican singer is Bad Bunny, do not come to Mexico. If you took a semester or two of Spanish and like to “practice” your Spanish with the dining hall workers, absolutely do not come to Mexico.

Mexico is a beautiful country full of culture and a rich history. The Aztecs and Mayans were intelligent groups of people who made striking advances in writing, astronomy and architecture, but sure why don’t we talk some more about human sacrifices. People did weird shit! The Greeks were pedophiles, and practiced human sacrifice. The Romans invented colonialism, and practiced human sacrifice (but suuuure the Colosseum is, like, so awesome). Let’s all pause for a moment and think about why we’ve forgiven those crimes enough to teach their philosophy and science in school. My ancestors were not savages. They were slaughtered by the conquistadors. The Spanish looted their temples and enslaved the Native population. Give ‘em a damn break, they don’t also need you there “tanning” and getting sky high on cheap weed. 

I love living in California, the golden state that the US purchased fairly from Mexico by murdering and plundering people for their territories. From California to Texas, the Mexican people were fairly purchased out of their lands. Remember that the next time you eat your precious tacos. 

If you fucking HAVE to go to Mexico, here are some handy tips for how to be less of an asshole.

First, respect the culture. Don’t try climbing a priceless temple for an Instagram pic. It’s tacky, and those steps are more fragile than they look. You don’t want to be known as the clown who broke an ancient temple with their giant-ass Air Jordans and rolled all the way down and landed on their butt. 

Second, buy souvenirs and trinkets from the locals who actually need the money because their parents needed the money because their grandparents needed the money because the conquistadors took all their great-great-grandparents’ money. If you can spend over $100 on a pair of leggings, then you can definitely afford to buy an authentic embroidered Mexican blouse.

Third, be mindful that the land you may be visiting is sacred to some groups. Don’t litter or trash the place, idiot.

And fourth, check the mirror next time you talk about anti-colonialism in class.


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