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Student Finds “Adderall” On Floor of Library, Accidentally Roofies Self

 

Late last night in Honnold Library, Harvey Mudd Sophomore Ralph Harrison* found a small pill he presumed to be Adderall on the floor right next to “one of those life-size ‘Ask A Librarian’ cutouts.”

But it didn't TASTE like a roofie?
But it didn’t TASTE like a roofie?

Harrison reportedly woke up the next morning with no recollection of the hours between 9 pm and 10 am and a Shakespearean Literature paper he had no memory of writing.  After consulting the internet and a few Pomona friends, Harrison drew the conclusion that he had accidentally ingested Rohipnol, a drug commonly associated with date rape.

The Golden Antlers consulted with real live college students who put Harrison’s experience in terms accessible to a college audience.  Mary Carver, an English to Youthful English translator, explained “That dumb motherfucker roofied himself.”

Friends of Harrison who witnessed the student’s descent into complete oblivion noted that after cranking out a twelve-page paper on A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Harrison “did some shots with the old guy at the circulation desk” and “fucking raged at Honnold Library Café.”

When asked if he regretted his actions or felt violated, Harrison responded that even though he has no memory of writing his paper, he “would almost definitely do it again.”  He claimed he “had some pretty genius points about the ambiguity of sexuality vis-à-vis the loss of individual identity in an oppressive landscape.”

Still, Harrison conceded, “maybe a few too many Love-In-Idleness references, though.”

– Clancy Tripp ’15 CMC

*Name changed to respect student’s privacy

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