1. You do not speak about The Bro Code.
2. Under no circumstance may two dudes share an umbrella. Ever.
3. Urinals: eyes front, unless its really impressive in which case you should pay your bro a compliment.
4. Thursday and Saturday nights mean the world is your urinal, but if you can help it, aim towards Pomona.
5. The 5-C Challenge is a General Education requirement for graduation.
6. Graduating “Magna Cum Laude” requires the 7C Challenge and one “faculty recommendation.”
7. Always leave your prospie behind. You’ll both have more fun that way.
8. WWHD: What Would Hiram Do?
9. CMC was always, “Way crazier” when you were a freshmen.
10. His name was not Robert Paulson, his name was Dick Voss and he was a goddamn hero.
11. When in line to enter Collins, hold the door open for any lady (assuming she’s at least a 5). If the door is already being held, reach up and press the button that stops the blowy things (assuming she’s at least a 7).
12. Tanks. Always.
13. There is no bond more sacred than that of a bro and his wingman.
14. There is no shame in high-fiving The Invisible Hand.
15. Devil’s Threesomes are permissible in certain situations, but eye contact is strictly prohibited.
16. Give Beer Pong the respect it deserves. If you want chicks you can play slap cup.
17. Respect Dibs.
18. If you really want to learn Gender Studies, major in History.
19. Thou shalt never own cats.
20. Bros before not bros (this rule has been modified to placate our friends North of ninth).
22. Not sharing beer with the bros is punishable by death.
23. Bros don’t go to the Motley,
24. If you break rule 23 and find yourself in the Motley, watch your language. As a general rule of thumb, never use any of the following verbs: “fuck, boink, slam, buttchug, tap, shmang, moisten, dickslap, bone, shaft, bump uglies, take [her] to pound-town, take [her] to the bone-zone, manscape, spank the monkey, donkey-punch, gorilla-face, bend her over the barrel and show her all 50 States, bust [a nut], blow [a load], masticate, vom, twerk, motorboat, Swedish wing-job, Mexican pole-vault, booty text, or dougie.
25. Bros do not “Grab Brunch”
26. One does not just “Walk to the apartments.”
27. When a bro grows up, he just wants to be Megastag.
28. Name your rager whatever you want, just don’t include anything that rhymes with the word ho, it’s just not worth it.
29. When getting ponded, a bro always brings someone down with him (preferably a girl in a white shirt)
30. When Camp Sec tells a bro not to bring a drink into the party, the only acceptable response is to yell “Challenge Accepted” and chug the drink.
31. Wedding Party must either start or end at the Tropical Lei.
32. It is permissible for bros (and she-bros) to have Claremont Men’s College on their resume. Sorry for being historically accurate.
33. “Civilization Prospers With Commerce.” Live by it.
– Ender Wiggin ’15 CMC
Additional credit for bro-tastic joke brainstorming goes to Sam Pitcavage CMC ’15, Ben Turner CMC ’16 and Dante Toppo CMC ’15
** Think we missed something? Post additions to the Bro-Code in the comments section of this page.