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The Golden Antlers’ Official Statement on “The Incident”

 

It has recently come to our attention that a miscarriage of justice has been perpetrated against The Golden Antlers. As a publication that holds the utmost integrity when it comes to reporting the truth and giving non-biased information to the public, we realize that someone people may hold grudges against us. However, we bow our heads and sigh in disappointment at the lack of maturity and simple dishonesty clearly present in this community and the crime against humanity that has been committed. 

It is exhausting to be embroiled in scandal, but in light of recent events, it is necessary to officially respond. This event has revealed the true character of the Claremont Colleges Community. After consulting StompOutBullying.org, The Golden Antlers would like to formally announce the following: 

“Whatever! Do you feel better now? Wow, did you manage to come up with that all by yourself? Be cool and stop this! Honestly, if you’re talking about us behind our backs, clearly our lives are a lot more interesting than yours is! We’ve moved on! Shocking that you finally found something funny to say. We’re not sure why you keep saying these things about us, but we don’t care. We know what you are but what are we? Stick and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us. Truthfully, we’ve been called much worse. Pardon me, but you seem to think that we care. You should revaluate your life because you’re just an afterthought. No u.”

In conclusion, you’re nothing but a big bully and we totally haven’t cried at all or begin to question whether we have the emotional bandwidth to keep on reporting, so suck on that. The Golden Antlers would like to officially state that we are rubber and you are glue. As such, whatever you say bounces off of us and sticks to you.

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