It’s week 1 of your FHS. Your professor has already assigned 4 papers, 7 chapters of reading, and 3 presentations, all due in 2 days. With your 18 institute applications, internship essays for junior year, and plethora of thesis ideas you already have, how will you ever manage to get it all done? Fear not, children, for the esteemed writers of the GA have taken pity on your overworked soul and written the comprehensive, overarching, complete, synonyms, guide to using Prezi for academic success.
Look, I get that PowerPoint is the accepted method of communication for 98% of the world beyond your four years in paradise, but why not take a stand for the little guy? Throw that Prezi together and support that rapidly declining market share in niche middle school presentation platforms. Additional points will be awarded for spelling errors you couldn’t correct because of how much Bacardi you spilled on your keyboard last night (a separate category will be created for the number of issues you have after failing to format all of those quotes you copy and pasted from Wikipedia). Below are some tips and tricks to get you started on your journey to coherent communication:
- Beat the reader about the eyes with your font choices. I’m talking 72-point, comic sans, italicized and bolded titles. I want to be able to feel how hungover you were when you made this. Don’t hold back. Highlighting randomly for emphasis is highly encouraged.
- I want to feel like we’re on a rollercoaster during slide transitions. Nothing wakes up a still-drunk kid on a Wednesday at some ungodly hour (Side note: If you take an 8:10, it’s your fault. Quit talking about it to me masochistically like it’s crossfit or veganism) like a 2x speed, swirling switch to a grainy stock photo of some landscape.
- Addendum: Use stock photos. I need to see a “Getty Images” watermark plastered across every out-of-focus screenshot you tried to grab from the 3rd page of a Google image search.
- When presenting the slideshow, be sure to incorporate something that will make your presentation stand out. Song and dance routines are very early ‘90s. Try for special effects involving gratuitous amounts of light shows. Fireworks are a plus, but serve their purpose far better in Bauer, where they’ll knock some of the asbestos-covered plaster from the ceilings.
- Don’t take a controversial stances with your slides. I want to be able to hear the reverberations of that ivory tower echo chamber for weeks after I suffer through 12 minutes of “Political Polarization in the 21st Century.”
After the presentation is over, be sure to answer your peers’ questions with the just the right amount of condescension that shows you were already planning for your nuclear physics PhD in high school. Nothing an overworked, underpaid associate prof loves more than students who show a true passion for leadership studies.