September 21, 2017
This is an official notice that The Golden Antlers will be filing a lawsuit against The Kravis Leadership Institute for egregious misconduct during the “Hella Lit Flashmob Challenge 2K17” sweepstakes. Although The Golden Antlers produced one (1) majestic, awe-inducing flashmob video in accordance with all of KLI’s official contest rules, the Kravis Institute of Leadership failed to fulfill their end of the contract. Because of KLI’s willful disregard for their own rules, The Golden Antlers are left with no remaining course of action other than to sue KLI for the modest sum of $75 million in emotional damages. KLI’s many violations are explained below.
On September 12, 2017, KLI announced their 24-Hour “Fresh-To-Death Flashmob Competition,” and (never ones to miss out on synergistic, dance-based leadership), The Golden Antlers decided to enter. The Golden Antlers submitted their cinematic masterpiece to KLI on September 13th, and were met with enthusiasm from the organization (see Exhibit 1). According to the institue’s own rules (see Exhibit 2), KLI should have then posted the glorious, glorious video to their own Facebook page so that members of the CMC community could vote for it and shower it with their praise.
However, no such posting occurred. Instead, KLI arbitrarily pushed the deadline of the competition back by a week, turning their 24-hour flashmob contest into a 168-hour long flashmob-a-palooza. However, even to this day, September 21, 2017, KLI still has not posted the Golden Antlers video to their Facebook page, denying the entire world from seeing this sheer magnum opus. Instead, in a move that can only be described as “fascist AF,” KLI inexplicably suspended the voting process and announced an arbitrary winner on the 20th of September, 2017. They also decided to completely disregard transparency by not announcing the winners of the “Most Creative” category or the (not at all condescending) “Most Courageous (Worst Video)” category.
In perhaps their most questionable move of all, KLI did not dole out any of the secondary prizes. The Golden Antlers officially registered as the Senior Apartments entrant (and no dorm winner was announced), thus The Golden Antlers demands one (1) “Chipotle Fiesta” as promised (see Exhibit 3), or they will be tripling the monetary demand. And we’re not just talking about some lousy Chipotle coupons – no sir. A “fiesta” was promised, so we expect a grand scale party with a coherent theme and lots and lots of tequila. Because, let’s be honest, if there was ever a video worthy of such a reward, it is this one.
If you want to join the fight for flashmob justice, please consider supporting our petition, “Kravis Leadership Institute Give the Golden Antlers their Goddamn Chipotle Fiesta Already.”
KLI, you have been served.
The Golden Antlers
Exhibit 2: The Scoring Guide for the “Turn Up For Leadership Flashmob Competition,” as pulled from an email that was sent to the ENTIRE CMC student body (somehow)
Exhibit 3: The list of lies *ahem* “prizes” from the previously mentioned email