While there’s been plenty of bad news both in Claremont and outside the bubble lately, today brought a bright announcement from the city of trees and PhDs. White supremacists William Joe Simmons and Jamie Colescott, of Baton Rouge, Louisiana and Cleveland, Ohio, respectively, today announced that they are planning to marry and reside in Claremont, California. Neither Simmons nor Colescott has ever been to the city before. The reason for this choice of location for their married life? The two met in the comment section of Claremont’s own “Claremont Independent!” “We thought it would be a romantic way to pay tribute to the publication that brought us together,” said Simmons, a police officer. “We have so much to thank the ‘Claremont Independent’ for. It gave us a safe space to be ourselves, to express our feelings on the blacks, the coloreds, the [censored], the [fucking censored], and the immigrants. But most importantly, it gave us a safe space to find love,” said Colescott, whose Facebook profile picture is the Confederate flag. Simmons and Colescott’s first encounter came in the comment section of a CI article on “safe spaces” for People of Color. “Safe space? More like self-segregation! And good riddance [sic]!” said Colescott. Simmons liked Colescott’s comment, and added one of his own: “Wht’s [sic] tha [sic] differnce [sic] betwen [sic] peeple [sic] oof [sic] collor [sic] andd [sic] collored [sic] peopl [sic] ? Obama!” Colescott liked Simmons’ comment in return. And so began a beautiful romance. After liking and messaging back and forth, the two began a relationship. “Long distance was hard,” says Colescott, “but our mutual love of the CI and hatred of Black people brought us together, despite the distance.” Now the wait to be united is over. The two spend their days happily attending gun shows, KKK rallies, and harassing college students on Facebook. “We couldn’t be happier,” says Simmons. The Claremont Independent could not be reached for comment or screenshot on the story.