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Why Didn’t You Share Our Last Article?

 

Reports indicate that you, a “devoted” fan of The Golden Antlers, failed to share our last article. Not that it matters, but this information certainly is very interesting, considering the level of relevance it held to your life and the out-loud chuckles that escaped you whilst reading it. But alas, you did not repost it to your timeline. So like… what’s the deal?

We can make an educated guess as to why you did not share it: perhaps you wanted people to think you were a secluded vermin who doesn’t care about social media despite living in the digital age. “I don’t need ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ for validation,” you smirked, self-righteously. However, this line of reasoning is nonsensical because sharing the article would only be validating to us, not you. But still, you feel the need to deprive us of our proper recognition. That wasn’t very nice of you– we can at least agree on that?

Our data indicates your deep-seated insecurities were brought to the forefront while reading the article. Because of our sheer brilliance, we were able to harness exactly how you were feeling and put it into words while shedding a comedic light on it. Sharing the article would then make you a vulnerable sunflower, no? So that’s why you didn’t share it, right?

We can infer that another likely possibility as to why you did not share the article was that you were laughing too hard so you suffocated and are now dead. While the considerate thing to do would have been to tell your next of kin your Facebook username and password beforehand because you anticipated such a reaction so they could share it for you, we understand. Hey, we’re human too! We know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes because of how funny we are. And even comedic demigods like ourselves slip up sometimes! But come on, that just would’ve been the nice thing to do.

The Golden Antlers can tell you first hand that we don’t really care that you didn’t share the article. Seriously, it wasn’t even our best work. And it’s cool that you didn’t like it either, we don’t function purely based off of the attention we get from you so we’re not continuously monitoring likes and page engagements. It’s simply knowing that we matter to you that matters to us. So please, don’t bother sharing any of our stuff in the future.

We just think it’s funny how you… shared a meme that wasn’t even that good a few hours later. But again, it’s totally cool. We’re cool. Don’t even worry about us. Seriously.

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