Your Dorm Room Decorations Are Actually Really Problematic, and Here’s Why

Look, I get it. You want to take a cute pic of your newly decorated dorm and post it on the IG and show Bria from high school that you know how to decorate. But honestly, you can’t do that without really evaluating the real world implications of your decor. Your intentions might be good (to make Bria feel like shit), but your impact will bring down the entire world order, allow capitalism to dominate the free world, and let that pretty little privilege of yours sparkle like my new Kate Spade wallet which can only mean one thing: mass destruction. So here’s how to avoid all that! xoxo

1. Fairy Lights
   • Really? Like, that term is super outdated and really homophobic. We can’t keep validating companies that use non-PC lingo.
2. Picture of You and Your High School Besties as Senior Prom
   • Uh, some of us didn’t didn’t have the luxury of “going to high school” or “having friends.” Come on, this is basic intent versus impact stuff.
3. The California State Flag
   • Don’t you think this is a bit exclusionary and discriminatory towards non-California natives? Like, I get that you might not even be from California, but you need to consider it from other people’s points of view.
4. Bulletin Boards
   • Do you feel the need to actually buy one of these? I mean, you could have just asked your friends for wine corks to make your own. Are you anti-recycling or something?
5. Bean Bag Chair
   • Seriously? Do you know how many innocent children die each year from suffocating in bean bag chairs? Problematic much?
6. Bed Sheets with More Than 400 Thread Count
   • I mean, come on. Talk about labor exploitation…
7. Succulents
   • They do not get enough light in your suffocating dorm room. Might as well put them in a box in your closet, because that’s how they feel if they aren’t at Pitzer.
8. Mirror
   • Here at Scripps, we avoid self involvement. Please focus on something more important like body positivity and supporting all sizes instead of yourself.
9. Tapestry
   • Think it’s “cute” to have a pretty cloth pattern hanging on your wall? Well then you must think it’s “cute” that companies are mass producing these. I can’t believe you’d rather support a large corporation like RedBubble rather than local artists.
10. Your Favorite Stuffed Animals
    • At Scripps, we like to think progressively. Stop glorifying the past.
11. Plastic Dishes
    • I just think its funny how you eat your snacks out of plastic dishes and now poor sea turtles have to eat plastic dishes for snacks, don’t you?
12. Fridge
    • Ever think about how the best foods are natural and don’t need to be refrigerated? Next time you’re outside, try eating a fucking olive.
13. Command Hooks
    • Take your religion out of education and take your hanging elsewhere.
14. Light Switch
    • What, you want a little 2×3 panel to do all the work for you? Welcome to the real world where you have to work for things yourself.
15. Carpet
    • We all walk on the same ground; why do you feel the need to elevate yourself? Do you think you’re better than everyone else?
16. Pillows
    • Stop making yourself comfortable and wake up to the real world, Goddamnit.
17. Desk Chair
    • Sure, go ahead, take a rest! That’s a joke, by the way. Social justice doesn’t take breaks.
18. Plants
    • Are you kidding me? You want to take a plant out of its natural habitat just for an aesthetic? You could really learn a thing or two from EA.
19. Pencils
    • Take your tree killing habits elsewhere.
20. Desk
    • Just because you were raised in a world that prioritizes the disciplines of knowledge and studying in school doesn’t mean everyone else was. Save it for your white supremacist friends, thanks.
21. Clothing
    • #Freethenipple… need I say more?
22. A Door
    • What problems do you have to hide? The only problem that we have is inequality. Get your head out of your ass, and prioritize your issues.
23. A Bed
    • Stop sleeping on the real issues. Stay woke.
24. Lights
    • You know that you’re just contributing to our light pollution problem, right? Think about how many turtles and birds you are killing next time you turn them on.
25. Walls
    • Do I really need to explain this one in today’s political climate? Build bridges, not walls.