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CMC DOS: “Don’t Worry, Zoom TNCs Will Be Just as Bad”

 

The start of the semester is bringing with it the usual mixture of freshman excitement, sophomore ambivalence, junior angst, and senior existential dread. However, COVID has threatened to throw this delicate balance of dynamics into chaos. That’s why, in the spirit of “preserving normalcy,” ASCMC has made a bold, daring, and unparalleled commitment to ensuring that Zoom TNCs are just as bad as the ones in person. While other colleges attempt to match this dedication to the student population with “improved mental health care” or “expanded resources,” CMC has risen above the rest with this audacious arrangement.

The full statement from the Dean of Students Office can be found below:

We know that this change of pace has been hard on many. A time of optimism and possibility is being reduced by a completely unprecedented pandemic. We’ve asked for your input on how we can make CMC feel like CMC again, and the common denominator in everyone’s answers is that nothing feels normal. That’s a scary thing, and so, in the spirit of preserving normalcy, we commit to ensuring that every Zoom TNC is just as awkward and insufferable as TNCs that happen in person. 

How are we going to achieve this? It’s a tough question. Sure, Zoom events are all naturally awkward and unpleasant, but can we really achieve the same atmosphere of awkward and unpleasant that TNCs create? That feeling of walking into Appleby Lounge and realizing that, despite arriving 2 hours late to give people time to get there, you’re still the first to arrive. Hearing a white person sing the n-word and turning to confront them, but then begrudgingly backing down when you realize that the music is too loud and they’re really tall. Watching senior guys desperately search for the faces of freshman girls, and hoping that someone’s teal dot training activates in time. 

These meaningfully unique situations are difficult to recreate, but the ASCMC events team is already hard at work making sure that no one has fun. We plan on widely advertising that a DJ will be enhancing the experience, only to send you the Spotify United States Top 50 playlist instead. We’ll encourage everyone to use a humidifier (not included in the care package) and turn their thermostats all the way up to really get those “I’m choking on the mist of everyone’s sweat” vibes. And of course, we’re going to mail everyone their own, personal, cold, half-eaten slice of domino’s pizza. As a bonus, we’ll choose 50 lucky winners for a warm natty lite!

The times are tumultuous. Professors still can’t use Zoom, we get it! But we know that with these changes, TNC can be your rock: that thing that you and your friends immediately regret showing up to, every single week 💛. 

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