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    TSL Refuses to Publish My Op-Ed on Why Anal Should be the First Base


     It seems that the popular trend of silencing brave voices on campus has officially spread to our friends at TSL. While the shameful newspaper has no qualms with publishing inconsequential pieces on things like the upcoming presidential election and something they call ‘sports,’ they refuse to give a platform to perhaps the most underrated journalist […] More

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    OP-ED: Why Won’t Student Health Services Help my Bleeding Puddy?


     I’m at my wit’s end. I am writing this from my phone with my puddy stationed on the toilet from the Dorsey single-stall bathroom. A combination of sweat and tears roll down my face, as I have come to the conclusion that I can never move from this cursed seat. I have been here for […] More

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    Save The Golden Antlers


     Dear Golden Antlers readers, It is with heavy hearts that we announce that the Golden Antlers is facing a serious threat of a total and complete shutdown. Since barely escaping shutdown six years ago, we have been excommunicated from the safety of the consortium governments. We’ve been gasping for air, barely surviving on thin ice.  […] More

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    In Attempt to Teach the Admissions Office a Lesson, Registrar Says “Fuck It”


     In retaliation for the Admissions Office not knowing how to create a class that isn’t 100 students above the average enrollment, the Registrar said “Fuck it” in protest to making their lives a living hell. When asked for a statement, the Registrar threw crumpled Major Declaration forms at the Golden Antlers reporters while yelling at […] More

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    Chopped: Collins Edition


     Four student chefs call on their culinary skills as they face off against one another to prepare a spectacular meal consisting of 3 mystery ingredients selected by the judges. Contestants will then face the dreaded “Chopping Block,” where a panel of four dining hall connoisseurs “chop” 3 students who fail to measure up in terms […] More

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    DataMatch is Coming to the 5Cs!


     Tinder got you down? Has rainy weather made you realize how lonely you are? Tired of thinking last Thursday’s TNC hookup was the one that got away? Say no more! The Golden Antlers has teamed up with the Harvard Computer Society (HCS) to bring a real and free match making service to the 5Cs this […] More

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    How To Spend Your Bitcoin at CMC


     Bitcoin is what everyone’s talking about. Your Econ professor tells you it’s a hopeless endeavor. Your grandma asks you if you can download it for her. Jackson Bill, a CMC First Year, hasn’t mentioned he owns some in 10 minutes and now his twitch is back. There’s no denying that many investors have gained exponential […] More

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    BREAKING: Marxist Underground Network Exposed at CMC


     An informant from within this underground subculture has come to The Golden Antlers to expose the troubling things they have seen and heard. They have asked to remain anonymous. “It’s shocking. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. These students… they’re nothing like you and me….” Thanks to one […] More

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    Welcoming Officer Red Dogg


     This past month, Campus Security welcomed a new member to the force: Officer Red Dogg. With the 5C faculty’s lack of diversity drawing complaints, Dogg’s hiring marks an improvement upon Camp Sec’s currently 100% Homo sapien makeup. With a keen sense of scent perfect for tracking down kids smoking on the Pomona trails and the […] More

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    Kravis to Become White Resource Center


     Claremont McKenna College has an exciting announcement for the upcoming school year. When the CMC Class of 2019 (Crescit Cum Culis Civitas) walks onto campus in the fall— bright-eyed, pastel-adorned, and with winter internship applications in hand— they will be greeted by the best that liberal arts money can buy: crisp academic buildings, stellar motel/dorm […] More

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