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    How to Say “Trump is Going to Win” Without Sounding Too Excited

     

     After an excruciatingly long process of the Democratic Party trying to crush any excitement about them, they have finally succeeded; it’s pretty clear that the DNC is pursuing a bulletproof strategy. The party establishment has thrown its weight behind a moderate candidate in order to prevent Karl Sanders from seizing the means of election. That […] More

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    How to Show Tasteful Nudity on Zoom

     

     In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat […] More

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    Why I Started Pegging This 2020, and Why You Should Too

     

     A very close friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous has recently introduced me to the concept of pegging. I have taken on the challenge of pegging for this new year, and although I’m far from an expert, I believe that the aforementioned friend’s hands-on approach launched me into the world of pegging. While […] More

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    13 Foolproof Lies to Get Your Parents to Send You Money for Alcohol

     

     At the lovely Claremont Colleges, artistic passions span every genre: erotic bookbinding, smearing feces on canvas, or whatever writing Fuck the Golden Antlers on the freedom wall was. But the one creative endeavor we all will pursue during our time here is a delicate dance of trickery followed by immense guilt: getting your hardworking parents […] More

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    An Apology Letter

     

     Now that we are back from winter break and have started the new semester, I think that this is a time that we should all reflect on some mistakes we might have made over the break. Specifically, I know that many people have to interact with racist family members during the holidays and that potentially […] More

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    How to Describe Your Tiny, Irrelevant Private School When You Go Home for Fall Break

     

     We have come up with some ways for you to humblebrag about the incomparable Claremont Colleges to your parent’s colleagues, your grandmother, or Nick from senior year literature class who told everyone you were sleeping with the teacher. Fuck you Nick, at least I know what statutory consent is. About as many people know where […] More

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    Build Your Own ‘Ath Question Filibuster’: a How-to Guide

     

     Ath season is upon us, and the savviest of us know that the Q&A following the talk is where to really make your mark. Do you admire those inefficient, braggadocious fucks who seem to innately understand how to ask the longest and most unintelligible questions? Unsure how to prove your intellectual worth? We’ve pieced together […] More

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    The Golden Antlers’ Tips for First Years: Pitzer Edition

     

     Back so soon? Lusting for more content? A helpless Pitzer first-year in desperate need of guidance? If you consider any of the proceeding statements to be true about yourself, read on! We are extremely knowledgeable and we’re here to help, and today, we’re extending a hand to Pitzer first-years. #Gratitude Start all new nondenominational cults […] More

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    The Golden Antlers’ Tips for First-Years: Pomona Edition

     

     Anyways, here’s our tips for Pomona College first-years: Do you have anxiety about Pomona being “not prestigious enough” compared to your friends at Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, or Yale? Well, stress no more, because you’re right! Psst! Here’s a sneaky one for ya: Instead of telling your roommate to elbow you in the ribs, just lie […] More

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