Stephanie Miller, SC ’23, knew her Connecticut dogmatism would drastically change the moment she stepped off the plane in Southern California. Never would it have occured to her, however, that a single week in Claremont would transform her political identification from a center-right ponytail into a devout anarchist. She thought–maybe breathing the same air as her favorite LA influencers would get her that many more IG likes. Still, like many Claremontians, she felt something else stirring inside. Alas, the kombucha juices were flowin’, the Birkenstocks were growin’, and the Fleetwood Macs were jamin’. How could Stephanie resist?
While meandering through the Dorsey browsing room late one night, Stephanie found a bedazzled “How To: First Week in College” calendar laying so surreptitiously that it just definitely called her name. Stephanie cataloged her new personal empowerment as a seven-day enlightenment model within that spiral-bound notebook. Low and behold, the week followed changed Stephanie’s life, forever! With her trusty organizer, Stephanie laid out the following schedule for herself as a replicable guide for first-years across the 5Cs.
Monday: Read Marx. Tuesday: Breathe Marx. Wednesday: We Wear Pink. Thursday: Quote Marx at the Motley. Friday: Quote Marx at Collins. Saturday: Realize you just like, Quoted Marx at Collins. Masturbate to your New Power. Sunday: Up to you!
Stephanie took the Sunday-step by storm. She may-or-may-not have had a lil’ chat with the registrar, maybe sprinkled in a bit of blackmail and physical threats, but hey, here we are! Now, Stephanie Miller is no longer just Stephanie. Professor Miller holds great power amidst the 5Cs. Catch her new course Communism 101 taught in seminar-style format atop Mt. Baldy Mondays 7-9. Fingers crossed and she’ll soon be a featured inclusivity columnist at the Claremont Independent. Good luck in the semester ahead Professor Miller!