Sometimes I see my grandpa on the bench. Then, I realize it’s a CGU basketball player with no life left. The uniform is a dead giveaway: bald spot shining, sweating on the bench, with decades-old extra long basketball shorts, and dual knee sleeves. It’s all to prevent arthritis!
The best way to spot CGU athletes is looking at the stands. They usually bring all their kids, along with the rest of their extended family. How cute! Usually, 7C athletes don’t have this level of support. But for our CGU stars, the National Senior Collegiate Athletics Association (NSCAA) even sponsors trips! Baby boomer money is real!
Many CGU athletes think they’re playing in the Olympics. NEWS FLASH!!!! It’s D3!!! Why are they even here?? Maybe they didn’t get playing time at their high school, or first college, or even their second college. Being a CGU athlete is an attempt to relive the glory days they never had. All those redshirt seasons finally culminating here, in Claremont, at CGU.
CGU athletes are always dreading the future. They’re running from it very slowly, extremely slowly, but it WILL catch up to them. These D3 stars aren’t in their prime anymore, back when they were practice dummies for D1 athletes in high school! Whether they’re grandpxs, grandmxas, childless, or just whatever, they’re only here to leech off the young. Maybe they should get off the bench instead, and invest in a 401k!