“As an elite institution, we know how valuable the aesthetics of our students are,” Pomona College President, Gabi Starr, told the press.
“Which is why when first years come to campus with body tea and waists snatched, it’s important we help them maintain it. We’re running a college, not a fat camp.”
Following the release of this statement the college unveiled their new “Freshman Negative 15” program, which aims to force all first year students to lose 15 pounds by the end of the school year.
The college has already started implementing its initiative for the class of 2030’, starting with the destruction of the Oldenborg. The language center included one of only three dining halls on campus (although it did barely count as food).
Pomona College has gone onto restricting access to dining halls at prime hours, closing Frank on the weekends, stopping self-serve protein at Frary, and shutting down the student-run boba shop Milk and Honey, all while continuing to not let its students use meal swipes at beloved late night spots like The Shakedown and The Hub.
After major student backlash, the college quickly back-tracked.
“We like student businesses,” Gaby Starr wrote in a memo. “However, it is difficult for us to support a costly expense that only works against making students skinny, especially when we can just get rid of food all together.”
Dr. Danielle Lynch, Pomona’s Director of Athletics, also came out in support of the new program and closing of dining halls, announcing that “first-year students are walking more than 5 miles extra each day. Coupled with sweltering temperatures, they are burning hundreds of additional calories.”
Campus facilities also has taken action in response to the new Freshman Negative 15 Initiative.
Air conditioner units now shut off when outside temperature highs remain below 90 degrees. Currently, only Wig and Lyon halls have been affected.
However, the administration has been considering removing the personal air conditioners in Blaisdell hall as well. The aim is to ensure students sweat more at night or walk around to find other air-conditioned spaces.
“Students are finally getting out of their rooms and being hot, creating the community that makes Pomona so special” Gabi Starr adds.
The program is also helping the future of the college. “Since Freshman Negative 15 started, college tours and applications are up 25% year-to-date, bringing in millions in application fees,” Chief Communications Officer Eric Abelev and Dean of Admissions Jonathan Williams put in a joint email. “Snatched people are great for our communications letters and it has attracted an array of new students.”
The college aims to implement the following for their Freshmen negative 15 Initiative by 2028:
- Remove all meal swipe access
- Increase P.E. requirement from 2 to 5 classes
- Ban all e-scooters on campus
- Remove all AC Units
The Golden Antlers will give updates as these changes are put into place