2/8/2026, 12:20 pm. Hoch-Shanahan Dining Hall.
The Law of Marginal Utility states that as a consumer purchases more goods, the satisfaction they feel from each additional unit goes down. I, a fool, never believed in law. Today, staring into my third bowl of Hoch pho, I finally understand this economic principle.
The first bowl of pho was delightful. Noodles, four tiny slices of beef, and 300 chunks of onion. The second scratched the itch—a couple more tiny scraps of beef, and oh so much soup. The third bowl took 40 minutes of waiting. Then there it was, staring back at me, my biggest failure: warm soup and 300 more chunks of onion. Now, if I don’t eat it I’ll look like the stupidest little piggie in the feed lot.
What did the workers think about me? Two bowls already raises eyebrows, but three? Do they think I’ve never had pho before? Do they think I’m white enough to believe the pho is good enough to get three bowls of? Do they think I’m fat enough to actually eat all of them? Or are they just upset that they have to waste that much time ladling hot, hot soup into the greediest piggies’ bowl? I can never show my face here again.
I truly can’t finish this. My belly is so big and full of soup and onions. What will people think of me dumping an entire bowl of pho down the drain? Am I worse than a terrorist? I let my greed get in the way of my intuition. I flew too close to the sun, like Icarus if he had a big, bloated, gassy piggie belly. I should show up to a mindful eating dinner with three more bowls of pho and not touch any of them. This is the worst day of my fucking life.
Two out of five stars. This dining hall experience has trapped me in a prison of my own mind and also soup. The only thing worse than this is the time I ate sixteen pieces of Jammin’ Jerk Chicken at Frary. I should call my parents.
Graphic by Luke B.