Co-write: James D.
Nipple: Lez be honest: nipple piercings are peak Scrippsie—Pitzer has OA trips, Pomona has OSA trips, and Scrippsies get matching nipple piercings with their triple their freshman year. You ARE who Scripps was made for: A gxrl with courage. A gxrl who takes risks. A gxrl with iron deficiency. You wish 5C Free the Nip was still up, but—we can only move forward. Now, go get drunk and show those barred nips off to everyone, girl!
10/10 Marcus Newhalls
Helix: This one is a bit braver—especially with all that long hair you’re gonna cut off soon. Some may say, “this is how straight women show they are ‘different’ and ‘edgy’; it isn’t. It’s something else—we just can’t think of what! Extra credit point for taking longer to heal and hurting more.
5.1 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Eyebrow: You pull, and you pull HARD. Your nails are as trimmed as can be, fingers as ring-less as the day you were born, and your carabiner is as heavy as your many burdens! Some may say you are “for the streets”, or “a community resource”, but we like to think of it as mutual aid! Keep breakin’ those hearts, hot stuff!
9 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Belly Button: Hmm…this one is tough—belly button piercings are a favorite of Scrippsies, but the ongoing epidemic of “femmes having their belly button piercing reject their body while all of the butches can keep them for years despite going to the gym constantly” really brings down the score.
Piercing~ 6.5 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Scar~ 8 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Lobe: This is basically a prereq to go to any women’s college, but it fails to capture Scripps’ uniqueness. Other bisexual schools such as Pitzer and Pomona also have similar lobe rates, but those gays don’t how to wear matching metals or earrings that your mom gave you. Plus, what are all those dining hall workers gonna do if you aren’t constantly dropping earrings all over the floor of Mallott?
5 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Bridge: Oooooh, finally, a non-binary option! This one screams “2020 alt kid grew up”—and we’re so proud of you, Bug! Bonus points if you still pair it with a bandage across your nose.
8 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Hair Clip: Hair clips are not for efficiency, or comfort—they are rows of spikes, attacking, piercing through your wonderful, permed curls. What is a piercing? The centuries of beauty standards passed down from your mother, your grandmother, and even other women? A hair clip is the biggest piercing statement of all of them. Stay you, queen!
4 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Nose (Stud): Frankly, this is too bisexual even for our tastes. You could just be any run-of-the-mill queer-baiting 5C student! How are WE supposed to know that you’re the one stealing all the dental dams from your dorm’s communal stash? Also, we think that new line art tattoo you just got is INCREDIBLE! Ignore those signs of infection, and keep rockin’ on, mama!
6 / 10 Marcus Newhalls
Nose (Septum): Hey guys. We’re gonna be kind for this last one. We ALL know someone with a septum piercing, and I just want to say it’s okay to study anthropology. Septum piercing Scrippsies don’t need to be attacked right now—they eat at the herbivore bar at Mallott, and pick up their vibrators from the Amazon locker just like everyone else. And again—it’s OKAY to study anthropology. Your parents aren’t really mad at you, they are just pushing you to study anthropology even harder.
8 / 10 Marcus Newhalls