Hey roomie! Oh, you’re curious about my unnatural pallor? It’s nothing, I promise! It’s just the shitty lighting. Just don’t worry about it! What’s that champ? Why am I sneezing so much? No reason! It’s probably just allergies! I always get allergies around this time of year. Silly pollen! Guess I just lost the genetic lottery (shrug)! Ugh, my throat is really scratchy right now. Can I breathe in your face real quick? No? Alright, I will!
Sore throat? Nooo, it’s just the shifty smoothies at Frank breakfast! That’s it, hah! Stop worrying so much! It’s totally fine! Why am I coughing? Allergies, stupid! We’ve been over this! Where did I get such a dumbass for a roommate? Isn’t the acceptance rate like two percent or something? Lighten up bro! My nose is running? Nooo, that’s just cum, haha! Things got really crazy last night! Not that you’d understand, of course. Virgin (judgemental).
That red stain on the floor? LOL, you’re so paranoid! I knew I shouldn’t have gone with a random roommate! No, don’t worry about that, that’s just some blood I coughed up! It’s totally normal! I Googled symptoms and obviously it’s the least serious possible thing it could be. ChatGPT told me that too. I had to really talk to him and get him to see that it’s not such a big deal to be coughing up blood. Everyone does that every once in a while! Even Walter White! It’s just your body’s natural way of balancing its four humors. Hey buddy, you look pretty pale and sick––can you please put on a mask? I have a final tomorrow and I cannot afford to get sick right now.