Claremont McKenna College has an exciting announcement for the upcoming school year. When the CMC Class of 2019 (Crescit Cum Culis Civitas) walks onto campus in the fall— bright-eyed, pastel-adorned, and with winter internship applications in hand— they will be greeted by the best that liberal arts money can buy: crisp academic buildings, stellar motel/dorm buildings, and, to cap off the half of campus which looks good, a freshly furnished White Resource Center. The WRC, as it is already being adoringly referred to by nearly half of 5C students, will be housed in what is currently known as the Henry and Marie-Josée Kravis Center, and will be dedicated to providing a safe and inclusive space for all people who identify as white.
“We recognize that a lot of people come to college and have to struggle with their identity,” said one wealthy, anonymous, and white (WAW) board of trustees member who is financially and emotionally backing the creation of the center, “And when we looked disdainfully to the south, for example, and see that Pomona has already created organizations for, for…for all those other people, well that’s when we knew what we had to do. As smart as the rest of these schools think they are, there’s a huge segment of the population they forgot to include (the majority!) in their so-called, PC ‘safe-spaces’. Thankfully, CMC is here to pick up the slack and bring us, truly, into our version of the twenty-first century.” A current student was quick to echo the board member’s words- “If you think about it,” CMC junior Edgar Walters argued, “we’re in the minority of ethnic groups receiving explicit aid.”
The board members were reportedly inspired to move for this rebranding of the Kravis Center after reading in the online about how it creates “exciting synergies” with “sunny terraces and breathtaking views”, descriptions sounded enough like a country club already to allow for easy conversion. The WRC, alongside encouraging conversations from people all across the white-spectrum (from eggshell to butter), will also serve as a place of study of the accomplishments of white people throughout the years. In related news, the CMC Philosophy, Government, and History departments will both soon be moving their offices.
In honor of the soon-to-be-recent alumni, whose tireless humoring of CMC for years has allowed for the existence of the WRC, there will soon also be an unveiling of several dedications, including: the Charlie Montgomery Walkway, the Dante Toppo Water Fountain, the Sam Pitcavage Arch, the David Leathers Recliner, the Ender Wiggin Patio, the Aseem Chipalkatti “We’re Okay With This” Plaque, and the Clancy Tripp Memorial Library.
– David Cremins PO ’18