Um…what are you looking at…LOSER??? We might be lab partners or in a group project, but I want to make something very clear: I am NOT a sexless nerd like you.
What’s that on your shirt? *flicks you in the face* HAHA it’s not cum that’s for sure! Maybe the professor didn’t give me a gold star, but NEWS FLASH FOUR-EYES, there’s more to life than an unintentional commitment to lifelong virginity. Maybe my academic record isn’t the cleanest, but neither are my sheets. Not in like a wet the bed way, you know what I mean…
Contrary to popular belief, I’m smart. It takes a lot of brains to remember all those chicks’ numbers and calculate the exact moment to pull out. Do you know how many unique booty calls, sexts, and “it’s not you, it’s me”s I have to write? All grammatically correct, and guess what: if she’s really hot, I’ll even throw in a metaphor. And best believe I do it all without AI. I’m a slut, not a sloppy, loser, bastard, whore, bitch, satan-incarnate, motherfucker, (text continues off page)
I’m also up to date on biology: sexual reproduction, anyone? And don’t even get me started on chemistry! Anyways, have fun spending your Friday night at the laboratory looking at spores and waiting for a Canvas notification. I’ll be out overselling my textbooks for more rubbers!
Go ahead, finish that lab report or group presentation, or whatever. And hey, maybe Google “boobs” if you’re looking for a treat after finishing that essay for me. I’ve hit my quota for nerds to turn into hot people for a bet this month, but as an act of generosity, I will follow you on Instagram (if you get me that A). You’re still not allowed to have my number though, creep-o. DEUCES!