I’m soaking wet and not in the fun way. FACT: Walking all the way to the Robert Day Science Center for class is what being waterboarded feels like. I think all the STEM funding made God sad, and now She’s crying all over us. I tried to peel off my pants but they have become congealed to my flesh. To tear them off would be to tear off my skin. I’m sopping! My nipples look amazing! They say the body is 60% water, but that’s got to be higher because my socks are so wet it feels like I stepped inside of a fish. I’m soaking! I should have gone to BYU!
I just crossed 6th street and there’s a lot of water. The electric scooter bros are buying electric surfboards as we speak! If this were H20: Just Add Water, I’d turn into a mermaid and start flopping around on Marston Quad. Can you hear me? I’m running out of breath…
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