Co-writer: Ava Hinz
If going to a small liberal arts college has taught me anything, it’s that gender and sexuality aren’t real – and that means that I can say whatever I want regardless of my lived experiences. That’s why it’s so important for people to understand that I, a heterosexual cis man, am simply a different flavor of queer.
The beautiful thing about queerness is that it can mean literally anything, so I can define it my own way. I’m like, spicy straight; sure, I like women, but I also like non-binary people that I perceive as women and also Ryan Reynolds!
Gender doesn’t matter to me, either. I would never use any pronouns other than he/him but I guess if someone called me a they/them pronoun, I wouldn’t like, super care.
I’m not afraid to be a little sassy. A little zesty, a little limp-wristed, a little fruity, a little “slay,” if you will. Hell, I’m not afraid to paint my nails or wear a crop top as long as girls will still compliment me! After all, it’s very important to me that I’m able to get in touch with my feminine side, and I think there’s no better way to do that than by having sex with women.
The most intimate I’ve ever been with a man was when I kissed one of my guy friends (as a bit), but I could definitely see myself dating a dude in the future, like maybe when I study abroad in Paris and I meet someone who looks exactly like me – but French.
At the end of the day, my sexuality is nobody’s business but mine. I’m just like Harry Styles! All that matters is that I deserve to go to the 5C queer parties, and whether or not I try to flirt extensively with the women there is completely irrelevant. Besides, they’ll all be so intensely relieved to find out that they can finally hook up with a man who knows all the words to Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen.
Yass.