Amidst the doom and gloom of midterm season at Harvey Mudd College, an idealized geometrical model of light or other electromagnetic radiation (or, a ray) shines down upon a campus shrouded in perpetual melancholy: S(pr)ingalong.
To losers, this means nothing. For us winners (Mudders), this is our giant karaoke party at Case, our one-and-only pink dorm.
Those off-campus, no-culture-having dorks are always quick to call us talentless, emotionless sweatpant-weaing robots, but with enough precisely measured jungle juice, any Mudder can become an operatic god and shed their anti-social ways.
In anticipation of this glorious occasion, I felt it prudent to lay out how the night will most certainly go. If anything, it’ll let you plebs get a taste of what it’s like to party like you’ve already secured that awesome, morally-pure defense job post-grad (don’t worry, it’s only for five years, then you’ll go into “Clean” Tech).
8:30 PM
- Most people will scramble to submit the problem sets they have due at midnight.
- They’ll only finish ⅔ of it, but hey—pass/fail frosh is a lifestyle!
- Party-goers will head to whatever bar is being held at Drinkward/East, or to a pregame at their friend’s LAWN suite/courtyard.
- This’ll consist of: a couple shitty attempts at Slap Cup/Pong, trashy 2000s music, and enough shots to drown a Smurf
9:30 PM
- Naturally, at least half of the Case dorm presidents will be blackout drunk by now
- With luck, when guests start showing up an hour later, they’ll be tucked away in bed
- The other, non-drinking dorm prezzies will reach peak-highness from the edible they took at 8:00
10:45 PM
- By now, party attendees will have destroyed at least 60% of their vocal chords
- Those in line at the bar held by Case will be a stumbling, half-swaying, twerking mess
- Without fail, every single person in line will order whatever rebranded version of the blowjob shot (Baileys, Coconut Malibu, Milk, and mystery fourth chocolate thing) that is on the menu that night
11:00 PM
- The bar will run out of real drinks and just start offering shots
- The courtyurard’ll be irritatingly full
Topless O'Clock
- As tradition demands, whenever the fuck this is, all the guys who live in that hall of Case (named Topless) will:
- 1. Go to the second floor balcony
- 2. Take off their shirts, and
- 3. Whip them around for five adorable, homoerotic minutes
??:??
- If we’re lucky, only 3 freshman friend groups will suffer from one member’s strange, alcohol-fueled attempt to be more than friends with the quietest member
12:55 AM
- “Country Roads” by John Denver will play, and everyone still standing is going to link arms/sway
- This’ll remind us that the Mudd community is alive and well, and the trauma-bonds we’ve forged here will forever tie us together
12:58 AM
- Semisonic’s infamous “Closing Time” will play (crowds will begin to boo)
1:01 AM
- The party ends :/
- Case residents will start spraying lingering drunkards down with a mildly irritating chemical substance
- One of your dumb friends will ask to go to Jay’s Place (bad idea) (don’t)
Gosh, I can hardly wait!
Hopfully no more gas leaks/transports/people vomiting on walls happen this time!
It’d be a shame if the Singalong curse of olde came back…