Dear Coffee Chompers:
No more matcha. No more ice chai. No more oat milk. I’m going to Muddbucks. You’re going nowhere. You bxtches PISS ME OFF. You want the Motley to be open? Then you need to uphold the feminist and intersectional ethos Scripps is known for, and take down those flags!!!
First it was the Palestinian flag (we think). That’s a big no no! A big nuh uh! Then you bxtches tried to outsmart us, by putting up flags for countries that we had to look up!! It worked!!! Do you know how hard it is to google search ‘red and white flag with green tree in the middle’? Do you know what a security risk that is? We don’t even know what those flags mean!! (That one turned out to be Lebanon, which is Hezbollah, and we don’t want Hezbollah.)
That is why the Motley is closed. If any womxan could put up dirty rags like that, we could never uphold the feminist and intersectional ethos Scripps is known for!! Clever, conniving workarounds led by womxn will never be acceptable at Scripps. We are an international and inclusive workplace—it’s time for you lxadies to act like it.
Time and time again, you all ignored our demands to keep the Motley clear of harmful visuals. That is why we demanded your student managers comply with our request that anybody be able to submit any visual material. It’s disgusting!!! Stop breaking the rules!!!
You gxls need to remember who pays for coffee at the Motley: not the students. It’s the College who pays. And who owns the college? Me. Ipso facto, Motley Closo. See you at Muddbucks.
Sincerely,
President Amy-Marcus Newhall III