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The Three Types of 5C Men You’ll Meet on Tinder


As we all know, you are horny.  As a result, it’s no surprise that 75%of the population can be found on everyone’s favorite sex app: Tinder. As someone who has never been in a relationship before and has spent two full hours devoted to meeting men on Tinder, here is a comprehensive list of the three types of straight Claremont guys you’ll meet on this godforsaken app and will perpetually haunt you until your time at the 5C’s comes to a close. 

  1. Mr. Fuck & Duck 

Ahhhh, the freshmen rite of passage. This man is typically from CMC. He definitely should’ve been in a frat at UCLA, but alas, being an Econ bro at a liberal arts college is basically the same thing. After one swipe, you meet him. His first picture is definitely him smoking a cigar at his high school graduation with “the boys”. You blush at the sight of him in his polo and khakis. From his Pit Vipers to the caption with reference to making it out of the hood -He’s from Naperville- you’re infatuated with him. A few formalities are exchanged and boom: it’s time for your first date. You head on over to The Hoch (God, I love the Veggie Valley) for a late lunch. Consulting group applications are only due in a week, so he has all the time in the world, as long as you’re not boring to him yet. You head back over to his dorms, and finally, the deed is done. You silently and mutually decide to ghost one another. This school’s pretty decent-sized, you probably won’t ever have to see him again, right? Wrong. He’ll be behind you in line at Collins to receive your school-sanctioned diarrhea, in your professor’s office hours on a Wednesday at 10 pm, god, even at the improv show? How is he everywhere?

2. The One 

What Pomona-Pitzer may lack in winning something sports-related, they make up for in the sheer amount of indie bros! This Jacob Elordi wannabe will first catch your eye in the long-ass Korean tacos line at McConnell. He’s 6’ 4” with a style that screams “I’ve definitely done MDMA in Berlin before”. He is surrounded by his effortlessly cool, sitcom-style friend group, which is diverse enough to make a college brochure photographer weep tears of joy. You’re immediately obsessed. And just your luck! You stumble upon him on Tinder. One part of you has never been happier, while the other is part worried about what’s wrong with him for him to be on this app in the first place. His page is perfectly curated for the everyday 5C woman. The photo dumps of his “life-changing” and “humbling” trip to India and pictures of his suspiciously large childhood home have you making Pinterest boards for your future wedding.  Hell, he’s even more interested in the same things as you: poetry, road trips, and feminism, *swoon*. A Jane Austen man come to life! You match, sparks fly, and the rest is history. Your evenings consist of coffee dates at the Motley (He lets you pay for his drink. Feminist, remember?) and supporting his latest pursuits to be a mustier version of Jesse Rutherford. He teaches you how to handroll your own cigarettes. Life is good, until one day he decides that he needs to break up with you. He needs to discover himself (on a weekend trip to Joshua Tree). After a month of posting thirst traps coupled with Taylor Swift songs on your story and contemplating hitting up your APUSH teacher on Instagram, you decide it’s time to move on. And just like that, you’re back on Tinder. 

3. The University of La Verne Student 

Be honest with yourself. No matter how hot he is, you’re never actually going to meet with him. Driving 6 miles for dick? No one’s THAT desperate. 


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