The Vag-Pires Hath Come

HARK!!! Tis’ the october wind which hath bring the news…a premonition from god some hath said….THE VAG-PIRES HATH COME TO CLAREMONT

Bleeders be ware… FOR YOU ARE NO LONGER THE BIGGEST FISH DURING SHARK WEEK

They hath come not with mal intention, but stay wary because they do not come during the night…THEY COME DURING YOUR MONTH

THEY DO NOT CARE THE SCHOOL, THEY COME FOR YOUR FLOW

They do not bite, 

unless they are a man…unfamiliar lands….but they are feminists????

They come to drink…the thicker the better.

An offering of a tamp (short for tampon) may save you, 

But THE VAG-PIRES HUNGER HATH NOT BE EASILY SATIATED

They hath come with a vengeance, not even a scripps dorm bathroom upon a full moon night can save us…

Stay wary my fellow claremont bleeders, your aunt flow comes to tell you with love

They may appear in any form…but stay wary of: 

men in sweaters, men in jerseys, anyone who goes to Mudd, people with piercings from Pitzer, Pomona students who enjoy Frary, anyone who writes for the TSL, those who hath attended the Charlie Kirk Vigil, and ALL women

This all hallows eve,  keep your eyes open and your tamp in tight… for you may be next.