Congratulations! You got into college, and now you would like to earn an extra buck or two. You open Handshake and, oh great, there is an opening for a student assistant to the Dean! A pool lifeguard position also appears. Is that a library assistant role, too? There is even a front desk job at the Hive. Sweet!
However, on closer inspection, the minimum required materials for the Dean’s office position include a notarized letter of recommendation from Algeria’s former head of state. Ah, they also require a Guinness World Record for most Purple Hearts received as well. Unfortunately, you do not land the gig.
No matter. You refresh the page. A new listing appears for a “flexible, low-commitment” desk job. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. You have class at 9. You have class at 1. No matter, you apply anyway. Three weeks later, you receive an email. They’ll be moving forward with other candidates. You are encouraged to apply again next semester, when the position will be filled by the same person who got it this semester.
You’re rejected from lifeguarding at Scripps. Fair enough. Then Motley turns you down, then the CMC Dean of Students office, then The Hive, tutor for intro psych, grader for GOV 20, and tour guide. Tour guide. The job is walking backward and saying nice things. Who the hell are they even taking at this point? Because it is definitely not you.
So, you go back through Handshake to see what you are missing.
The lifeguard job wants five years of experience for an “entry-level” position. The Motley wants barista experience, which you could get by working at the Motley. The Hive wants a ten-minute TED Talk, submitted as a PDF. You don’t think that’s possible.
Well, there’s no other option. You decide to drop out to make your 8 to 5 and focus on earning those Purple Hearts.