This screenplay would not be possible without the generous support of the Courier font family.
[Scene Begins]
Man: “What if — no, that’s so stupid [head smack],”xqx the man said. “I’ve been so on-edge today: I need to take a step back from this ledge and go to bed. It’s really windy on this windy ledge on top of this building (a 5-story cherry retailer). I’ve been feeling down. It’s true. But I mustn’t. This is not the way.”
The man thinks of how cherry pits have cyanide in them, and the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of the 12th U.S. President, Zachary Taylor.
Man: “That’s how they killed Zachary Taylor. [longing look] I miss him. I wish I had an iced milk to my head right now. Then the pain would stop. I’d probably take a swig. I’ve just been so unhappy.”
The man continues talking with himself. On the one hand, a sweaty palm, barely grasping the railing. On the other hand, another sweaty palm, also grasping the railing. Would he regret eating the cherry pits? What would his kids think? [beat.] On the other other hand, his stomach growls.
The man steps away from the ledge.
Man: “I am so hungie– I have been a bit peckish these last 5 minutes that I have been on this ledge on top of a 5-story cherry retailer. [despairingly] I am so so hungie that I could eat this bowl of cherry pits right now! Damn the consequences when I wake up! Why are there only cherry pits? Who has been eating all the cherries? Screw it, I am eating them. Om-nom-nom-nom. Yum! I am invincible!”
The man ignores 4 skeletons on top of the 5-story cherry retailer, each clutching a bowl.
Oh god, oh no: the man has the cherry pits in his mouth.
What careless fool left them there! His tongue clutters upon each pit, decluttering the remnants of cherry flesh, searching for more time he doesn’t have.
He’s doing it! Oh, the humanity! Oh, Lexapro! [high pitched wail] God forbid, heavens above! He chews, swallowing. He keels over at the bitter end; oh god, what has he done!