The dictionary defines “pedestrian” as someone who doesn’t eat meat, except for seafood. I define “pedestrian” as get out of my way. [applause.]
You’re on foot, I’m on wheel (plural); we are not the same. [applause.] Of the two of us, I’m the real bipedal, because I use my two feet to pedal this fucking bike while you lark about, being generally useless and getting in my fucking way.
Pedestrians think they have the right of way all the time, but they don’t–at least not when I’m on my bike. These walkways aren’t big enough for the two of us and I’m not about to off-road it through rocks and cacti. Imagine how bumpy that ride would be… I’d feel the seat in my throat. Your feet were built to navigate uneven terrain, my wheels weren’t.
I’m going 20 miles per hour, and I’m in no mood to change gears, there’s simply no time. I don’t even have time to ding the prissy little bell on my bike. If I don’t get from Crookshank to Malott in 1 minute, I’ll never get stew in time for my 1:15 class.
And face it, you’re outnumbered–it’s you against me and my bike and its three wheels.