Oh no! It’s a big test! The final! And you can’t remember anything! Is it because you didn’t study? OR is it because a dream goblin stole your brain knowledge goop while you were asleep? Here’s a guide to finding out!
How To Know If It’s a Dream Goblin:
- Eerie sounds of goblin laughter (LISTEN!!!) during quiet hours.
- Waking up with a complete lack of calculus knowledge and intense fear of wizards (IMAGINE).
- GO TO NEXT SECTION.
More Ways to Know If Goblin Is Stealing Your Brain:
- You dream of a little green guy who says “I’m gonna steal your brain knowledge” and a note is left under your pillow that says “hello, I am the dream goblin.”
- It’s a big round green dude with one ginormous eye and his name is mike.
- Your sheets are really wet after very strange dreams.
- HE is implicated in #4-6
MOST IMPORTANT – DREAM GOBLIN PREVENTION!
- Ask roommate if they are a dream goblin.
- Or, if you don’t want to be confrontational, vaguely allude to dream goblin characteristics in casual conversation.
- Example: “how do you feel about sneaking around people’s unconscious minds?” There is another question too:
- “hypothetically, if you were a dream goblin, would you go into MY brain and steal MY knowledge? Are we close enough for that? Do you even care about me?”
- Set goblin traps.
- Example: Create a fake goblin cardboard cutout of whatever goblin gender(s) your dream goblin is attracted to. While the dream goblin tries to swoon the cardboard cutout, sneak up, and destroy it. Remember:
- don’t forget to ask your dream goblin’s pronouns
- I’m a goblin gender abolitionist).
- Example: Create a fake goblin cardboard cutout of whatever goblin gender(s) your dream goblin is attracted to. While the dream goblin tries to swoon the cardboard cutout, sneak up, and destroy it. Remember:
- Unilaterally suspend dream goblin. If criticized for this, suspend your critics as well. Remember: you are God (Gabi Starr).